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Year 6 Writing Corner

This page will regularly be updated throughout the year with writing from 6H English!

31st January 2018 -
At the end of a unit on suspense writing, 6H English were asked to write their own suspense story, using elements of the genre that were studied. 'The Hook' by Michael Rosen in particular gripped the set! Below is the story that Mr Hyde was most impressed with, due to the range of features used and understanding shown. Can you see any suspense writing features that you learnt about in this story?

 

The Trip

It was a gloomy, rainy and foggy day. Everyone was desperate to get home. Five minutes until home time. The teacher had letters to give out. Adam read the first paragraph; it was about a school trip. It was a residential trip for three days. Everybody, in the class, was excited. Except for Adam. He didn't like sleeping over somewhere different because he had terrible nightmares.

Adam turned the letter over, hoping to find something he could get enthusiastic about. He glanced over the trip's itinerary... nothing that really motivated him. Adam sighed. He wanted to go on the trip as he didn't want to feel left out, but his tummy was already churning at the thought of sleeping over, away from home. Then, suddenly, a little note fell on the desk. Adam picked it up; it read 'school trip menu'. Adam's heart began to beat fast. The food sounded amazing, especially the desserts! A small smile crept up on Adam's face; this was the motivation he needed. He signed up for the trip and, with a blur, he sprinted across the playground and on his way home.

The three days to the trip just flew by. Before Adam knew it, he was in his hotel room, unpacking his thing; he was raring to go. At 1:30 pm, the first activity started. It was a woodland walk. Adam hated walking and didn't see the point of a walk in the countryside. He wanted to get it over with and get to those delicious desserts, after the evening meal. It was the first night (he had memorised the menu) and it was brownie and vanilla ice cream. Adam felt his tummy rumble.

On the way down to the walk, Adam walked past the dining room. It looked dirty and most of the chairs were broken. Adam's heart sank like a pirate ship with a cannonball hole through its side. Then he glanced at the menu on the wall. There was no mention of chocolate brownie - instead, it was cabbage soup followed by cold rice pudding.

On the woodland walk, all Adam could think about was how mysterious the hotel looked. It was surrounded by trees and the branches clashed together, sounding like a thunder-storm was coming. There was an old wooden bridge leading up to the hotel. The bridge swayed in the wind, making a creeping knocking noise. This was hopefully caused by the wind, or was it...? This hotel was definitely the eeriest place Adam had ever seen.

Adam was glad to get back inside. They were all told to go back to their rooms and have a shower before getting ready for dinner. Adam sat on his bed. Before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep. Adam's imagination immediately floated into his adventurous mind. He was creeping down the stairs and into the hotel's kitchen. He slowly opened the kitchen door and was drawn in by the delicious smell. He could see tray after tray of the most glorious looking chocolate chip cookies! His heart raced, then Adam noticed the chef. She was dressed in a long black dress with pointy shoes and a mop of black curly hair. Then Adam noticed something even more concerning. On top of the oven was what looked like a cauldron bubbling with cookie mix.

As Adam stood near the cooling cookies, he couldn't resist their beautiful and sweet smell anymore. He reached out to grab a cookie and quickly stuffed it into his dribbling mouth.

Suddenly, Adam felt a cold breeze on his face. He woke up with a jump and looked at his watch. It was midnight! As he got up from the bed, he glanced at himself in the mirror. He could not believe what he saw or, rather, didn't see. All that was left of him was his head; the rest of his body was completely invisible.

Suddenly, he heard lots of noise out in the hallway. His teachers and class-mates were hurriedly packing their belongings and rushing out of their rooms. Adam thought he would do the same and, as he packed his bag, he heard the rumble of the school bus over the old wooden bridge. He raced from his room and tried to catch up with his classmates. Why had they left him behind? He burst through the front doors of the hotel and ran in the direction of the bus. He could see all of his friends already sat in their seats. As he reached the bus, the doors slammed shut. Adam looked at his reflection in the glass, but there was nobody there. The bus pulled away and Adam was left behind...

By Noah

5th January -

6H have begun the new year by recapping on the different sentence types and descriptive language features learnt in the Autumn term. To link with our Geography topic of South America, the pupils were asked to use a wide range of learnt features to describe the image below. These two were particularly effective - how have they used what has already been learnt?

Picture 1
The sea crashed. As I ran onto the beach, I could feel the breeze hitting my face but I found it so relaxing as I sunbathed on the shore. While it was free, I, without realising, excitedly jumped into the huge, sapphire and blue sea. When I was with the fish, I felt like, gladly, I was one with the sea-life. As I got out, I could see how far the sea, which sparkled with sapphire, went out. I, who got so excited about everything, made a move for deeper water. In my brain, I was asking myself many questions like 'Why isn't England like this?'. It's very hot here; I needed to put my umbrella up! The sea was played in by lots of people! Good thing I got out!
I returned to my hotel and put my shortest shorts on and my coolest T-shirt. Then I went for a stroll. The first sight I wanted to see was definitely going to be the statue but I had to get through the busy traffic first!
By Phoebe

The tourists stared. Christ The Redeemer was in front of their very eyes. It was like their dream but it was a hundred times better. The aura of Rio danced through my face, and the tourists' too. Why did I feel such a mystery though? None of that mattered because I was the king of the world up here. My feet ran and my heart raced as I climbed the mad, messy and man-eating mountain.
The city people greeted me as I smelt the sensational food. A flavour bounced through my nose and the smell was so nice I almost fainted. I tasted one of the wild fruits and I was in heaven. I took a moment to think about how lovely Rio was; the soft, sweet silent breeze, the ginormous mountain, the sea calling out to me... it was gorgeous. I ran towards the sea as ferociously as a tiger. As the setting sun set on me, the washing waters flowed through my soul and settled in my heart. The waters were so relaxing that they felt like angels massaging my legs. I looked at the island of the future in the distance... they were filled with rocks and I felt a mystery about them.
By Lennon

6th December -

6H English have been designing a Teacher Pleaser machine, similar to the example below, and then writing an explanation of how the machine works. These ones in particular used all of the features (e.g. present tense, second person, technical language and causal, conditional and time conjunctions) - hope you enjoy them!

Picture 1

Does Your Teacher Need A Pleaser?

Do you like grumpy teachers? No! Well, this incredible machine will turn your teacher as jolly as a good fellow. This so-called 'Teacher Pleaser' is supposed to be good, right? Yes, it is, and this is, but how does it actually work? This is your teacher's cup of tea.

To start the machine, the green lever needs to be pulled down by the user. As a result of this, it will bring up a nice 32-inch TV. When it starts playing, you turn the yellow button anti-clockwise; this will turn her ordinary chair into a lovely massage chair. If the machine goes stationary, then you must press the red button and that will activate the happy level - this is when it gets exciting! It will activate a fresh box of chocolates and a nice hot chocolate with marshmallows and sprinkles.

Next, the Teacher Pleaser will serve up a delicious roast. After the dinner, she will feel tired so the Teacher Pleaser will give her/him a first-class bed. With that, the Teacher Pleaser will monitor the class through its high-tech microphone and if the noise level, in the class, gets too noisy it will take over and get them settled down. If the noise can wake up the teacher, it will instantly project and mirage a beautiful desert island. Then The Teacher Pleaser plays the teacher's favourite music and it will serve up a fruity cocktail.

If your teacher is still stressed out and tired, then the Teacher Pleaser will turn the massage chair fully on and the rest of the day will slip by as every ache and pain is gently rubbed away.

All experts, scientists and headteachers agree that this is an amazing machine to buy. The teacher will be as bright as the sun when you use this incredible Teacher Pleaser. At first, it may seem expensive but you will see the teacher's big improvement in their mood and the performance of their class. Remember - happy teacher = happy children - all thanks to the Teacher Pleaser!

By Noah

The Teacher Pleaser

Do you suffer from a grumpy and face-like-thunder teacher? Need a machine to brighten up your day? If so, then use the Teacher Pleaser machine and soon it will make your teacher the jolliest person in the school. Do you need it? But how does it work, you may ask?

To start, press a button that's right at the bottom of the machine that will start it. Headteachers say that it's amazing. Now press the red button, which should start the doughnut maker. You need to get 400 grams of flour and pour it into the small hole, so it starts mixing the ingredients. Then turn the pink lever clockwise for five minutes and it should start squeezing the jam inside the doughnut with a syringe. If you turn the handle properly, it won't blow up. Now press the black button and a jug of sugar will sprinkle all over the doughnut. Now you have a scrumptious doughnut to eat. Even though the Teacher Pleaser is powerful, it can be slow.

If your teacher is grumpy, you can have some weight off their shoulders by using the Teacher Pleaser. Next, press the green button to start the marker machine. Now choose a pen and put it in the pen holder. Now put a piece of work under the pen and press the brown button, and it will start marking.

The machine is indestructible! If the whole machine turns red, pour some water in the slot and it will come on again. Now press the light green button and it will start the Starbucks hot chocolate dispenser. First, get something to drink out of. Then turn the orange wheel and cocoa powder should pour out. The handle must have been turned by yourself. As long as you follow the rules, it will not go out of control! Now, press the wooden button and it will pour milk into the hot cocoa. Then press the wool button and it will give you sugar. Just your cup of hot cocoa!
Thousands of pupils say that it's not just for teachers. Finally, the smore system! So, press the purple button and put a gram cracker under the machine. Now cocoa should pour out onto the cracker. Then put marshmallow on top. Next press the green button and cocoa should pour out, then put a gram cracker on top.

So do you suffer from a grumpy teacher? Well, you won't now because you've used the Teacher Pleaser! Your teacher has used it, so will you? Now your teacher has a jam doughnut, marker machine, Starbucks hot chocolate and smores every day. Enjoy!
By Grace

Grumpy Teacher?

Do you suffer from a mean and grumpy teacher, who sees red? If so, you are at the right place. Buy the Teacher Pleaser for only £1,000,000. You must buy it.

Here is how it works. First, if your teacher pushes the circular red button, it will provide them with a golden-plated iPhone 10 with free wifi. Now they're already happy! Next, if your teacher presses the green button, which of course they will, the machine will give them a lovely warm iced doughnut and hot chocolate, on the table they are sat at. Then, if the wheel is turned by your teacher, the machine will bring up a PS4, with a controller, and simultaneously a TV as well, with which your teacher can play the video games provided.

Already, your teacher is really happy but wait! That is not all as the inventors assure you that there are three more incredible features because, if they push the blue button, their chair will start to vibrate, making them really really relaxed. If your teacher gets grumpy about running out of green pens, then just tell them to press the yellow button and then the machine will dispense a brand new green pen at their table. Finally, if your teacher simply just wants to watch some television, then tell them to push the black button, as it should make an indestructible titanium TV rise up in front of your teacher, with a remote.

If you want the Teacher Pleaser, just visit our website and buy now. The Teacher Pleaser is a favourite; on the other hand, it's a bit pricy but it's worth it. All the teachers who have used this say it's amazing. This will take the weight off your teacher's shoulders. It's definitely your cup of 'hot chocolate'.

By Alfie F

The Teacher Pleaser Machine

Have a really grumpy and grouchy teacher? Does she see red? Need a machine to help you? If you do, then give your red-faced teacher the one and only Teacher Pleaser machine! It doesn't even vibrate and is indestructible. Then, before very long, like a milli-second, your teacher will be the most jolliest, calmest and exultant teacher around. Also, the magnificent machine works well with grumpy teachers. However, it can still work well on very kind teachers.

The manufacturers say that, to start the machine, press the bright lime green button specially by your teacher, that is located at the back of the AMAZING machine. If she/he wanted to stop the machine, which will never happen, press the blood-red button but do not press the one under the clear cap! That red button is just in case of emergencies so don't let it get pressed by your teachers. Next, turn the wooden handle clockwise for soothing melodies. Once the machine is on, it deploys delicious, mouth-watering and creamy chocolates down a platinum chute onto a crystal plate. Simultaneously, the golden kettle will bubble.

There is also a never-ending menu for anything of the teacher's delight. For example - cake, doughnuts and more, with a free chocolate of course. Want a tea or coffee made by the machine? No problem; it can make any of them in seconds with any topping! Remember that the more she/he drinks, the more ecstatic she/he becomes. Don't forget the charging station for any electronic device. Even when she/he has to mark millions of books, the machine does it all for them, within seconds!
The Teacher Pleaser machine is very powerful but can still go slow. Experts say that one short single use of the Teacher Pleaser machine will change your boring school life as a result of endless fun. No more grumpy and grouchy teachers; the more your learning will increase. School will be a breeze. If you get rid of the marvellous machine, you could have made the BIGGEST mistake of your entire life!
By Zoe

9th October 2017 -

6H English were asked to describe Camp Half-Blood, from the first Percy Jackson film, as if they were walking through it. This meant first person descriptive writing, still applying the grammar structures learnt so far this year. They were given an hour to watch the film, make notes, structure their writing, improve it and then present it. These three stood out for really understanding how to describe. A picture is below to help you understand their task!

Picture 1

Trembling, with excitement, the swords clanged together on impact with the swords shining in the hot sun and bouncing light into my eyes. Clopping horses moved gracefully as their hooves hit the stone paths. With chaos, everyone shouted at the top of their lungs. Suddenly, without me noticing, a refined arrow zoomed through the air and hit the straw target straight in front of me. Thud!

By Aaron

 

I wandered through a place called Camp Half-Blood. I heard swords clanging and catapults firing. Whoosh! An arrow whizzed past with a sharp tiger's tooth point. That was too close! The majority of people were fighting around me. Mystical and magical Pegasuses were fantastically flying. The thin, long and brown arrows rattled in quivers around me. Lush green trees towered up above. The smell of burning logs tickled my nostrils. As I trotted so that I could keep up with Grover, I fell over!
By Chloe

 

I thought it was as dangerous as fighting a venomous snake to be this near arrows. I could smell fire and ashes scattering in the air. I could see swords slashing, sending cracking sparks shooting around me. I could taste ash, dust and wood in the air. The mud squelched around with the fallen things. I could see Ancient Greek armour, shields and swords. The quiver barrels rolled around while people jumped around on an unstable bridge. It wasn't a normal camp; it was a mythological camp and it was strange. I kept walking slowly so I could stay at the same pace as Grover, who was half goat! I kept thinking it was insane, wild and crazy. The thought of all this felt like a dream, yet it couldn't be a dream. I had no imagination - I couldn't imagine all of this - it was real!
By Angel

2nd October 2017 -

6H English were asked to re-write a given paragraph into a different genre, following from some work on different key genres and what vocabulary / features they have. This time, they were asked to include examples of Year 6 writing (e.g. different clause structures, Rule of 3, interesting vocabulary) while also applying known vocabulary and features of their genre. Again, they then independently drafted, edited, improved and presented their work. The best rewrites were all sci-fi! The original paragraph is below, then four 'reinterpretations' of it. Why do you think these four were particularly effective?

 

Original paragraph:
Tara walked into the next room. There was a table down the middle of the room. Pictures hung from the walls and there was a large mirror. On the floor was a carpet. In the corner of the room, there was a tank of fish. Light came from the windows. The curtains blew in the breeze. Tara stared at the things on the table.

 

Noah's version:
The green fluorescent alien leaped into the next room, in the space ship. There was a green, gross and messy table, which had lovely delicious food on it, down the middle of the space room. A picture of a black hole hung from the walls and there was a glass 3D ice planet model on the table. In the corner of the space room, there was a cupboard full of dried food including fruit, ice cream, meat and cheese. Moonlight came in from the space ship windows. In the escape room, which was always open, blew in loose gravel from the cold air outside. The alien stared at the piles of food on the table.
At the head of the table, there was a large picture of a mutant shooting lasers at a planet in a galaxy far, far away called Earth...

Reece's version:
Tara charged like an angry bull into the next room, meeting aliens and greeting them to their new home. Making her way down the hall, she saw a table down the middle of the room and, on each side, saw green, gooey and gross aliens waiting for their disgusting good (it was late, so they were annoyed). On the floor of the space station was the most rock-solid floor, that was sprayed in glitter, which hurt your feet if you walked on it for too long as it was so spiky. In the corner of the brightest, biggest and bulkiest space station room was a piece of hard rock that was from Uranus, that a dude, with a great big belly, guarded. If you looked out of a window, you would see the sun, moon, Earth and other planets but be careful of the dazzling sun because it can blind you! Ouch. The curtains didn't move a muscle because there was no breeze in space and no gravity. Looking suspiciously at the things on the table, Tara stared...

Casie's version:
Ter-karaa walked through the orbit zorb into the kooki-maraa, a large room filled with exotic things. Slime hung from the walls, a gloating table floated in the centre and half-alien half-fish creatures were slowly floating out of their tanks and leaving a sticky, slimy and sloppy residue along the tapestry covering one wall. All of a sudden, Ter-karaa snapped her fingers and, as if like magic, everything fell to the floor. Ter-karaa turned to face the window and a beam of light shone through, followed by dust. Whilst the alien-imprinted curtains blew open, Ter-karaa stared literally into space wondering what could have been...

Jason's version:
Taza-Bot 2100, the space travel android, hovered outside the door of the next room. Taza was frightened. There was a huge dent in the said-to-be 70 layer glass, although it wasn't. It was dented from the inside so Taza-Bot 2100 didn't know how it happened.
Wires, cables and TVs hung from the walls of the ship and there was a slight gap between the T-1000 departing zone and the room.
On the floor was a teaspoon-sized pile of slime; in the corner was an alien egg covered in slime - of course. Light shone through the glass and some of it through the walls because of how bright it was.
The spaceship departed and Taza-Bot-2100 floated away into the empty vacuum of space. Taza stared at a big metal spaceship that was unidentified, according to its scan vision.

26th September 2017 -

6H English were asked to choose their favourite book and review it. They looked at examples on Spaghetti Book Club to work out what makes a good review, investigated grammatical techniques such as superlatives and Rule of 3, then independently drafted, edited, improved and presented their work. These reviews particularly impressed Mr Hyde - why do you think that might be?

 

Charlie Small

Written by Reece P, age 10

I would give this book 9.5 / 10.

Charlie Small was written by David Fickling and is a fiction book. This book is about the coolest, most interesting and the most amazing boy who is trapped underneath the planet's floor in a dark and mysterious underworld. Also he fights monsters to get out. Along the way, he meets new friends. Charlie is the cleverest and most adventurous character. Where is he, though? Can he get home? Are his journals telling the truth? Read this book to find out.

My favourite part is when Charlie Small gets sucked through the sand to the amazing, weird and destructive underworld because he gets shocked and makes it exciting. It could be improved by having more than one main character. This book is like the book Holes because they're both adventurous. Also, this book is different to other books because Charlie Small gets sucked into the dark and evil underworld. Whoosh! Then he has to fight monsters, whose faces are like thunder, to get out of there. This book is like my life because I sometimes go off on my own and I like adventures. I recommend this book because it's exciting; also, because it's fun!

If you like monsters then this is the book for you. This book's mood is happy and sad, because his friends nearly die and he also fights monsters and wins. In fact, I think this is an extraordinary book because it's very exciting to read and it's quite long too. There's four other books that are also good; they're just my cup of tea!

 

Grandpa's Great Escape

Reviewer: Adam M

Author: David Walliams

Grandpa's Great Escape is about a Grandpa, who's in the RAF in World War II as a flyer, which is ace, epic and cool, but now nothing happens to him. His grandson, Jack, is a smart boy and always knows when something is up. Grandpa is old. He is sent to an old folks' home called Twilight Towers, which is run by a sinister matron whose face is like thunder. Grandpa believes that he is still in the RAF but he isn't. However, he was in 1983 but that's a long time ago.

The book is a happy book until the middle because it turns sad. Why is that, I hear you say? If you read this book, you will find out. In addition to that, my favourite part is when Jack gets Grandpa out of the folks' home because it is exciting and nervous. I couldn't wait to see what happened next!

If I could write it, the story could be better at the start because it's boring then and doesn't tell me about the characters and what they do and feel. There is no similarity to other books because all the other David Walliams books aren't the same. If you think so, could you let me know? Also, this book is different to other books like Tom Gates because there is no drama in those books.

This book doesn't relate to my life because my grandpa doesn't fly a Spitfire (although I do help him). I think I would recommend it to all ages because it's extraordinary, it's the greatest book ever, and there's lots of drama, which shocked me. It's amazing.

Therefore, it's just my cup of tea and the most perfect book. Also, it's fun to look at, which is the best! Read and find how awesome it is. I would rate it a 10 from Adam 'Len' because it's exciting.

 

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Written by JK Rowling

Review by Adam B

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is an exciting, adventurous and stupendous fantasy fiction. Even if you have read it a thousand times, it always comes in at a surprise. This book is for all wannabe wizards and witches. Furthermore, it has an awesome film! In this book, you will escape the Dursleys, shop at Diagon Alley, find your way around Hogwarts, fight a troll in the girls' toilets and venture to the third floor.

I love this book because it has a lot of description and adjectives. Harry Potter is a famous wizard because he defeated the most evil wizard and only got a scar! Harry also finds two friends (like all the school, I mean) along the way. Ron is Harry's best friend and he is poor because he has lots of family members. Hermione is also Harry's best friend. She has Muggle parents and family, despite the fact that she is smarter than all the fourth years altogether! This book is like Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets because it has tasks to get to the goal. Magical tasks! My rating is 10/5 and not 5/10! An extraordinary book. I think that this book is the best book in the whole wide... universe. Harry Potter must uncover the mystery of the Philosopher's Stone! Who is Nicholas Flammel? Will they find out in time? Are they safe?

 

Ancient Greece

Ancient Greece is a fantastic book that is full of historical fun facts and metaphors. In this book, you will find some of the greatest Greek facts found. Learn how marking some shoes is hard. Did you know that my favourite bit is when they tell you about how they survived?

The talented author's name is Julie Ferris and the illustrator is called David Nightingale. Personally, this book makes me buzz to read it, even though reviewing it is amazing too. This non-fiction book is one of the best Greek books I've ever read. Do you love Ancient Greece too?

This book tells me and you all about the awesome Olympics, the special Spartans, the sensational survival guide and the amazing actors. I definitely recommend this book for everyone who loves the grooviest, greatest and grandest Greeks. I rate this book 10 out of 10 because it makes me so intelligent about the past, especially Ancient Greece! It also gives me knowledge that I want to share with everyone else.

By Alfie S

Horncastle Community Primary School, Bowl Alley Lane, Horncastle, Lincolnshire LN9 5EH Tel. 01507 522662
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